5 Things You Won't Hear Me Say Here

#5: I wonder if that guy would like to sell that old abandoned car for parts?

First of all, there are no abandoned cars. Secondly, nobody in this entire country would consider leaving junk in their yard. Thirdly, I don't have any wrenches.


#4: Gentofte is not that bad.

When I was a kid from Carlyle, it was not acceptable to like neighbouring Arcola or anyone who came from Arcola. This was a problem for me as my Grandparents and many relatives lived in Arcola. (I have since learned that they are fairly normal.) When the Arcola-Kisbey Combines rolled into town to play the Cougars, we were gathered at the entrance to yell and swear and give them a hard time. When the Arcola hockey team came to play my 12 & under team with their star defenseman Dean LeQueyer and his 150 mph slapshot, I had pure hatred (but mostly fear) hidden behind my goalie mask. 
Gentofte is the new Arcola. My brother and sister-in-law live there but I still can't like the place. When the rich-kid Gentofte Stars drive 10 km up to Rungsted to beat our kids 12-0 with their passing and skating and teamwork, it makes me want to go out to the parking lot and break the antenna's off their cars. Not that I would…or did….not ever. 


#3: "Jeg kan tale Dansk"

This one I'm disappointed and sad about. I very often say "Jeg kan ikke tale Dansk" (I can not speak Danish) when people start talking to me in Danish and then they immediately switch to English. I have many good excuses for not getting going on the Danish language, but it was one of my goals and I have to chalk it up as a complete failure. You can talk one on one in English with almost any Dane, but if you want to join a conversation or be included in a group, you MUST have Danish. I am happy I'm here instead of Germany or France where you would not be so lucky to find English speakers, but you can't really join the society without the language.


#2: Hey, that was easy!

Nothing is easy. After acquiring my CPR, I spent a couple of hundred dollars for a medical exam and some paperwork for a temporary drivers licence. Now I find out that I have to do a theoretical and practical tests and those will end up costing upwards of a thousand more dollars that we don't have. Now this is getting ridiculous. I may just have to hole up in a shack in the wilds of Denmark to avoid the government like they do in Idaho.


#1: Keep the change!

Restaurants, cafes, coffee shops and bodega's are stupidly expensive. Even if the waitress has great cleavage and flatters me with a laugh and tells me I have ordered her favorite dish and places a hand on my shoulder when she talks, no tip!